Living To Accept The Passing of My Father
On the evening of February 11, 2003, my father left my home and never returned. The passing of my father was extremely tragic for my family and devastating to me. As being an 11 year old girl at that time, I never imagined my life without him. Seventeen years later and I still cannot believe he's gone. Seventeen years later and I cannot believe how strong I have become in order to write this kind of blog. I never could have imagined how much strength it takes daily to continue living after my father passed away.
The sudden passing of my father triggered many years of me fearing the death of people I love. I spent a lot of agonizing days trying to figure out ways that I could prepare myself mentally for the next passing. I suffered with constant thoughts and visualizations of family members dying. Especially if I called their phones more than twice and they did not answer or return my call. I automatically assumed that if they didn't answer the phone that there was a chance that they had passed away. That was torture and it was such a struggle trying to release those fears, wishing that they went away.
There are so many feelings that we go through when experiencing the transition of someone close to us. It is hard coming to the acceptance that everything will be okay. Most of us fall into depression, become suicidal, abuse drugs and alcohol, fail school, and possibly even turn to a life of promiscuity. Life changes completely.
None of us want to accept that life without our loved one will be "okay". To be honest it's really not "okay". What about those of us who lost someone who was the primary care taker of our lives? Or what about those of us who lost the only person who seems to "get" who you are or understand you? Or those of us who simply lost someone we really truly love?
After my fathers transition, I became obsessed with the concept of death. I wanted to know more about this scary act on life, what happens after people die, and why we die. We know that God has to call all of us home at some point in our lives and I wanted to be able to embrace the misunderstood instead of fearing it. There are a few things that I have learned to do over the years that have helped me cope with my father not physically being here. That is to say, I will never get used to living my life without him, but everyday I am learning to make peace with it.
1. LEAN ON GOD I have went through a range of emotions towards the Divine Creator. I was angry with God for a long time and I have always pleaded with God to give me answer on why my father had to die. But the truth is, we do not have true ownership over another human being's soul. It is such a blessing and wonderful experience from God to not only be in the presence of that loved one but to also love and learn from them. It is okay to express your feelings toward the Divine Creator. We have a loving and understanding God. Our God overstands how devastating death can be for the human experience.
But that's just it, the Divine will always be here and I can insure you that the majority of my strength comes from trusting that the Divine will guide myself and my family through such a tough time. Pray! No matter how you pray, continue asking God to lead you through this difficult transition. God will give you strength, peace, and clarity that you need in order to accept that your loved one will no longer be with you in the physical.
2. Writing Letters Writing letters to my father has been extremely helpful. It is one of the most beautiful interactions I can have with him because I am able to just vent and let it all out. He was Superman to me and so these letter allow me to feel safe because it is so scary to live in this world without him. I can feel his love in my heart so heavily during these moments that I know I am connecting with him.
3. Changing my mindset Still to this day, I continue to grieve over the passing of my dad. I don't think it's possible to ever stop grieving but that's the part that I had to come to terms with! I will never stop crying or living in disbelief that he is no longer with me and my family because I love him. I also knew that I didn't want to feel anger anymore towards his passing or even towards the man that accidentally caused my father to die. It is painful enough to lose a loved one but what good does it do for us humans to continue living our lives in anger? Sigh, I have a right to be angry but anger is not going to bring my father back. Anger is only going to ruin my life and convince me that I should live a life of negativity. And it so much easier to do just that. But I realized that I needed to change my mindset about my fathers transition. This takes a lot but we can't run from death. At some point we need to face this uncomfortable mysterious act on life.
Changing my mindset about death has to be the most helpful decision I made when coping with the loss of my father. We typically think of death as something that is bad because most of us just understand it instead of overstanding it. The word "death" is scary and when we hear or experience this word, the first thoughts are "gone forever". We immediately associate this word with every negative feeling that comes to us. And that's okay! But I had to realize that my father was not dead. The physical body of my father did die, however, his soul and consciousness are still very much alive. I look at it like this, since God is alive then so is my father! I have had so many spiritual encounters with my father that it is almost an insult to believe that he is dead. It is a process of shedding a body that no longer serves us anymore, despite how tragic the loss of a loved one can be. We are all eternal light beings: Nobody truly dies. Us caterpillars must transition into butterflies!
We are souls having a human experience and we MUST return back to source in order to continue our journey as love filled Light Beings. Using the word “transition” instead of death when talking about my father makes me feel much better because I am accepting that he went from one state to the next. In other words, he transitioned from his human experience to live in his full spiritual experience. And that makes me happy!
I'd rather be happy when I think of my dad because I know he wants me to be. I'd rather have happy thoughts when I think of my dad because I know its best for me. I realized that I needed to enjoy the memories of him without having thoughts of anger, guilt, and pain interfere. My father's legacy is not associated with those kinds of emotions! He is a great father who has a wonderful spirit and since the time I had with him was already cut short when he was stolen from me, why should I allow damaging thoughts to steal the joy of our memories. Us caterpillars must transition into butterflies!
Coping with the loss of a loved one isn't about getting over their transition. It's about learning ways to emotionally accept their transition. The pain of such tragedy is unbearable but you have to be strong. You have to be strong because you have someone watching over you, walking with you, protecting you, and guiding you down a path of love and light. And they love you! Can you imagine how they must have felt when they first crossed over? And so we have to be strong for them too! None of this is easy to get through and sometimes it seems as if it gets harder each day. Time heals all wounds so let God and love heal yours.
On the evening of February 11, 2003, my father left my home and never returned. The passing of my father was extremely tragic for my family and devastating to me. As being an 11 year old girl at that time, I never imagined my life without him. Seventeen years later and I still cannot believe he's gone. Seventeen years later and I cannot believe how strong I have become in order to write this kind of blog. I never could have imagined how much strength it takes daily to continue living after my father passed away.
The sudden passing of my father triggered many years of me fearing the death of people I love. I spent a lot of agonizing days trying to figure out ways that I could prepare myself mentally for the next passing. I suffered with constant thoughts and visualizations of family members dying. Especially if I called their phones more than twice and they did not answer or return my call. I automatically assumed that if they didn't answer the phone that there was a chance that they had passed away. That was torture and it was such a struggle trying to release those fears, wishing that they went away.
There are so many feelings that we go through when experiencing the transition of someone close to us. It is hard coming to the acceptance that everything will be okay. Most of us fall into depression, become suicidal, abuse drugs and alcohol, fail school, and possibly even turn to a life of promiscuity. Life changes completely.
None of us want to accept that life without our loved one will be "okay". To be honest it's really not "okay". What about those of us who lost someone who was the primary care taker of our lives? Or what about those of us who lost the only person who seems to "get" who you are or understand you? Or those of us who simply lost someone we really truly love?
After my fathers transition, I became obsessed with the concept of death. I wanted to know more about this scary act on life, what happens after people die, and why we die. We know that God has to call all of us home at some point in our lives and I wanted to be able to embrace the misunderstood instead of fearing it. There are a few things that I have learned to do over the years that have helped me cope with my father not physically being here. That is to say, I will never get used to living my life without him, but everyday I am learning to make peace with it.
I have went through a range of emotions towards the Divine Creator. I was angry with God for a long time and I have always pleaded with God to give me answer on why my father had to die. But the truth is, we do not have true ownership over another human being's soul. It is such a blessing and wonderful experience from God to not only be in the presence of that loved one but to also love and learn from them. It is okay to express your feelings toward the Divine Creator. We have a loving and understanding God. Our God overstands how devastating death can be for the human experience.
But that's just it, the Divine will always be here and I can insure you that the majority of my strength comes from trusting that the Divine will guide myself and my family through such a tough time. Pray! No matter how you pray, continue asking God to lead you through this difficult transition. God will give you strength, peace, and clarity that you need in order to accept that your loved one will no longer be with you in the physical.
Writing letters to my father has been extremely helpful. It is one of the most beautiful interactions I can have with him because I am able to just vent and let it all out. He was Superman to me and so these letter allow me to feel safe because it is so scary to live in this world without him. I can feel his love in my heart so heavily during these moments that I know I am connecting with him.
Still to this day, I continue to grieve over the passing of my dad. I don't think it's possible to ever stop grieving but that's the part that I had to come to terms with! I will never stop crying or living in disbelief that he is no longer with me and my family because I love him. I also knew that I didn't want to feel anger anymore towards his passing or even towards the man that accidentally caused my father to die. It is painful enough to lose a loved one but what good does it do for us humans to continue living our lives in anger? Sigh, I have a right to be angry but anger is not going to bring my father back. Anger is only going to ruin my life and convince me that I should live a life of negativity. And it so much easier to do just that. But I realized that I needed to change my mindset about my fathers transition. This takes a lot but we can't run from death. At some point we need to face this uncomfortable mysterious act on life.
Changing my mindset about death has to be the most helpful decision I made when coping with the loss of my father. We typically think of death as something that is bad because most of us just understand it instead of overstanding it. The word "death" is scary and when we hear or experience this word, the first thoughts are "gone forever". We immediately associate this word with every negative feeling that comes to us. And that's okay! But I had to realize that my father was not dead. The physical body of my father did die, however, his soul and consciousness are still very much alive. I look at it like this, since God is alive then so is my father! I have had so many spiritual encounters with my father that it is almost an insult to believe that he is dead. It is a process of shedding a body that no longer serves us anymore, despite how tragic the loss of a loved one can be. We are all eternal light beings: Nobody truly dies. Us caterpillars must transition into butterflies!
We are souls having a human experience and we MUST return back to source in order to continue our journey as love filled Light Beings. Using the word “transition” instead of death when talking about my father makes me feel much better because I am accepting that he went from one state to the next. In other words, he transitioned from his human experience to live in his full spiritual experience. And that makes me happy!
I'd rather be happy when I think of my dad because I know he wants me to be. I'd rather have happy thoughts when I think of my dad because I know its best for me. I realized that I needed to enjoy the memories of him without having thoughts of anger, guilt, and pain interfere. My father's legacy is not associated with those kinds of emotions! He is a great father who has a wonderful spirit and since the time I had with him was already cut short when he was stolen from me, why should I allow damaging thoughts to steal the joy of our memories. Us caterpillars must transition into butterflies!
Coping with the loss of a loved one isn't about getting over their transition. It's about learning ways to emotionally accept their transition. The pain of such tragedy is unbearable but you have to be strong. You have to be strong because you have someone watching over you, walking with you, protecting you, and guiding you down a path of love and light. And they love you! Can you imagine how they must have felt when they first crossed over? And so we have to be strong for them too! None of this is easy to get through and sometimes it seems as if it gets harder each day. Time heals all wounds so let God and love heal yours.